Ordinaryishisness

I'm terrified to be ordinary.

The thought occurred to me last night as I was trekking home from work. I was craning my neck to look at the veiled moon overhead, and I was lost in introvert-ness. So much so, that I almost tripped over my own feet.

I had seen my wonderful mother earlier in the day, and we had talked about everything...life, God, dreams...

I don't know what my dream is.

She asked me what I am afraid of, and I replied with a shrug. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I knew she was right. I am afraid of something...something formless that crouches in the back of my mind like a transparent shadow. It's there, but I hadn't taken any notice of it up to that point.

So there I was, walking along with that silly smile that tends to stick on my face when life is beautiful, and then WHAM.

It was the teeniest, tiniest thought, which bloomed into a sudden realization. Almost as if the Divine had whispered it in my ear--I couldn't have thought of it on my own.

I'm terrified to be ordinary.

Not that I want to be famous, heavens no. I just don't want to let my life silently slip by. I have this odd feeling that I'm called to greater things than I know about yet...

This is my dream. To see all I can, do all I can, experience all I can in this short life I get. Share my Savior and do what I love.

And if people take notice, that's cool too. I mean, I'm not opposed to a little attention.

Ha...ok but really that's not the point.

I'm going to live, and I'm going to do it to the fullest.

Mom told me that this summer I have to do something scary. Totally out of my comfort zone, epic awesomeness, terrifying.

I'm doing some research...

I'm just an artist who doesn't know what medium to use...I don't understand what my passions are yet, or how to use them.

But isn't it funny, that my fear of being ordinary could have driven me to being exactly that. Too scared to start looking for passions or searching for God's will for my life.

Even if I end up "ordinary" according to the world's standards, I'll know that I did all I could to live life and follow my Lord.

That sounds pretty extraordinary to me.