Love.

What does it mean to love?

I've "fallen in love."

Bashed my head against it, really.

I've been told "I love you" in the context of a relationship.

I've told others "I love you" in that context too.

And when I've said that, I've meant it as much as humanly possible.

But I've yet to BE in love...in a love that transcends what's humanly possible. In a love that involves not only myself, but also a God that wraps us in Love all-encompassing.

That kind of love doesn't just come around once a week. Which is how it's supposed to be anyway...something worth waiting for. Something that will be so much neater than anything you could try to imagine.

I still try to imagine anyway...

As I get older, the little part of my soul that belongs only to him starts becoming more noticeable. There's a low hum of loneliness that starts echoing through my ears if I focus on it.

So I try not to focus on it.

There are a few characteristics that I know for certain that he will have. Call me crazy, but I just know. It's not something I've thought up, like "oh that would be cool." No, I just know...and I cling to those little pieces of knowledge. And pray over them every time I think about him.

And I pray over him. That he will find his strength in the One who gives it freely. That he will continue living his life in the direction God leads him. And that he will continue searching for me, as I search for him.

Cause at this point, my heart is not on the market for anyone but him anymore.

The fact that I'm even writing this makes it all the more real. That I'm not in the "dating game" anymore...that I'm actually just waiting for the one I'll BE in love with.

Ooh. Scary.

But the funny thing is, it makes life so much easier! Once you set your mind on God and the fact that He has an amazing future planned for you, you don't have to TRY to work out your own life anymore. You can just LIVE it. Have awesome friends who are Godly men and not think "oh hey, I could date them I bet." It's SO MUCH BETTER THIS WAY.

Plus, by not giving my heart away, I'm falling more in love with my future him every day. And I don't even know who he will turn out to be...all I know is he will be my best friend. And we will laugh more than preschoolers with playdoh.

It's all in God's hands, His timing. I'm done looking, trying to "find" love with my own efforts.

Cause when we finally find each other, it will be by none of my own doing. And totally worth the wait. Worth all the effort, all the tough times, all the good times...all the laughter and all the tears.

All the lonely nights when you're up at two just kind of pondering it all.

And it'll be Love.